On Sadness
Gaining comfort from grieving loss
The last two months were hard. I lost someone important in my life.
Not remembering what joy feels like. Not knowing where to head to, and why. Not having mental space for anything more than mere survival.
It felt like dragging through mud most days. On other days it felt numb.
But mostly, it felt like my previous life had abandoned me. I had no energy left to dedicate myself to the things I loved, and no inspiration to guide my days.
I was stuck in a tunnel: the only way is forward, even if I couldn’t see any light at the end.
It was a self-pitying vicious cycle. Being sad, down, and hopeless was almost a pleasant background to whatever the day could offer.
Afraid of being alone in a room, I surrounded myself with people even though I was almost as much scared of interacting with them. I would talk, smile, and laugh. I would almost feel and act normal.
But I knew deep down that everything haunting me would come back the moment I stepped into my room.
Whenever I felt any positive emotions I told myself this was only passing by. That I will not feel happy anymore, because I lost that sense of calmness and belonging when I lost him. Whatever force pushing me to do…
